tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22048164.post116620454044169236..comments2023-11-30T00:37:56.548-08:00Comments on Dysfunctional Diva Diatribe: Vidahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16733186685885366814noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22048164.post-1518999574424769102007-04-05T08:16:00.000-07:002007-04-05T08:16:00.000-07:00Your article was very insightful. If I may, I woul...Your article was very insightful. If I may, I would like to add a few points to this discourse. It's difficult not to look at the relationships between black men and women without a "historical" perspective.<BR/><BR/>As black people in this country, we suffer from what is termed a "psychotic break". Much of the past is detached from a memory standpoint. We all know of slavery and the devices used to subjigate us to the social norms of what america was, and has become. But, in my humble opinion, we fail to deeply understand how this has affected us on a subconscious level. We live in a society that we have had to adopt, adjust to and conform to. Due to the "ghosts" of slaverys' past, we play the race game with the best of them, sometimes not realizing "we" are the pawns in this chess match. Our belief in this culture exceeds our level of reason, sound judgement and understanding of what is "inherently" true. <BR/><BR/>The lynchpin to any civilization is the relationship bewteen the men and women. If you can penetrate that element of a groups ability to function, you have effectively reduced them to rubble. As black people, we struggle to recover, but the game keeps introducing new pieces. Through socialization, economics, religion, education, it's like we are trying to push a truck up a hill at a 45 degree angle, one wrong move and it's back to the bottom. And this works for both the male and female.<BR/><BR/>Deep down, black men and women want to be together, and we all know this. But their is a force, that keeps us at bay and until we are willing to confront it "collectively", we will continue to struggle with eachother. We have yet to confront this force whether it be out of fear, ignorance or denial. We look for that diamond sparkling in the sand, all the while ignoring that which is in our reach!<BR/><BR/>Now we are in an era that emasculates the man and masculinizes the women, but that is part of the "Aquarian Agenda". And thats a whole nother story!!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22048164.post-1170546656361361572007-02-03T15:50:00.000-08:002007-02-03T15:50:00.000-08:00Girl, I read this article on digital underground a...Girl, I read this article on digital underground and I have to tell you it is well-written and on point. Kudos! Thanks for exploring a sista's perspective.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22048164.post-1167245113088198082006-12-27T10:45:00.000-08:002006-12-27T10:45:00.000-08:00Excellent discussion point. I've never dated outs...Excellent discussion point. I've never dated outside of my race, however, I'm open to it. In my travels, I've never come across a non-black male that I was interested enough in to pursue.<BR/><BR/>One anonymous poster said 'cool dat' to interracial dating, just don't make excuses. I agree. Another anonymous poster said 'go for it, if that's what you want'. I agree with that too. In my opinion, it's a personal choice and the choice is yours -- just let it be for the right reasons.<BR/><BR/>But the reality is, whenever the race ingredient is thrown into the relationship mix, controversy sparks. You will get the looks. I just hope my sistas understand that dating Mr. John doesn't make her any better than if she were dating Mr. Raheem and the same holds true for Ms. Sue and Ms. Keisha when my brothas date.<BR/><BR/>Always proud of you Nikki. (Remember me cutting loose at Sears?)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22048164.post-1166724104007523362006-12-21T10:01:00.000-08:002006-12-21T10:01:00.000-08:00Ummm Mr. M,This large population of single, succes...Ummm Mr. M,<BR/><BR/>This large population of single, successful brothas you know....Can I meet them?!<BR/><BR/>Just wondering ;-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22048164.post-1166541424052530232006-12-19T07:17:00.000-08:002006-12-19T07:17:00.000-08:00Throughout history, men and women have faced chall...Throughout history, men and women have faced challenges regarding pairings. Whether it is for religion, sexual preference or racial background, society has always drawn a line of demarcation. And, this line has always been crossed. There is nothing new in the 21 century that hasn’t already happened in the past. We have a way of repeating history. What is new is the rate at which we are able to convey these pairings to the world. It makes good copy for gossip rags, story lines for TV entertainment series, and conversation in general. In today’s society, it appears to be a case of keeping up with the “Joneses”! Most black females feel what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. And, so it has become a rivalry between black men and women to compete at the same “game”. Love or genuine feelings should be color blind, but the scope of today’s relationships takes on the appearance of a Hollywood production. It isn’t “cool” to date or marry just an ordinary person. First it was; he/she had to be good looking, then he/she had to have money. Has the ante been raised to he/she has to be white (or at least look white)? It is a sad commentary that race seems to have upstaged love when we speak of relationships or marriages today.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22048164.post-1166380206275015282006-12-17T10:30:00.000-08:002006-12-17T10:30:00.000-08:00I say go for it, sistas. But, please, don't fool ...I say go for it, sistas. But, please, don't fool yourself into believing the myth that white men (or women) are the answer to your dating woes. Know yourself, your likes and dislikes, your vices and pet peeves. In other words, doctor, heal thyself. If YOU are scandalous, a white man won't want you any more than a black man. NO man loves a hoe for long. And, listen up...if your track record consists of a long line of "trifling Niggas", Miss Kerry, Miss Halle, et al, ask YOURSELF why you are attracted to that type of man. And beware, because the Aryan nation is filled with "trifling Honkies". A white man will string you along just as effectively as a black man will.<BR/><BR/>Regarding the stares you receive when you're out with Biff, I feel your pain. It's ironic that I ONLY get attention from black women when I am with a woman who is not black. Why is it that if I am alone and I step to a sista, she looks me up and down with disdain? Could it be that I dress down..I don't wear my income, I invest it? Discuss. <BR/><BR/><BR/>Ladies, by the way, there is no shortage of black men...that's the excuse used by (a) black men who want to justify dating you AND your girlfriend and (b) black women who want to justify dating broke-ass, deadbeat dad Hakeem. And, if you are 35 or over, you shouldn't be dating "Hakeem" anyway. Us brothas who are 35+ have AMERICAN names. I'm 40, and my name is BRIAN (not Bilal). Hey, I guess I'm not that anonymous, after all. MUCH LOVE.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22048164.post-1166220096539702852006-12-15T14:01:00.000-08:002006-12-15T14:01:00.000-08:00Great Blog, Nicole... I'm actually engaged to a wo...Great Blog, Nicole... I'm actually engaged to a wonderful white man... but I admit to only dating brothers until I came to California four years ago...<BR/><BR/>A lot of it felt like the brothers here weren't really try to feel a natural sister... but it was also compatibility issues -- you'd be surprised how many brothers were like "see you later" when I told them I was agnostic...or super pro-gay marriage ... or "a bit of a hippie" -- which was great, because it's nice when your dating pool self-selects...<BR/><BR/>I feel like you should date whoever you get along with the most... a person who complements your personality, has the same political beliefs, and enjoys the same activities as you... because it's generally hard to find some one who "gets you" ... no matter what color you are...<BR/><BR/>Though as the child of a black marriage... I do worry about the disconnect M is talking about. I have a ton of black female friends... but all my black male friends are actors that I've worked with ... it feels like black women and men aren't even generally friends anymore... there seems to be a lot of anger on both sides... which really worries me.<BR/><BR/>As of now... every single one of my closest black female friends is married to a white man... and though I don't think you should actively seek out a particular race... that does seem to be the trend.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for the fantastic blog!<BR/><BR/>ErnessaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22048164.post-1166213951436173982006-12-15T12:19:00.000-08:002006-12-15T12:19:00.000-08:00I don't believe those stats about the lack of "eli...I don't believe those stats about the lack of "eligible" brothas. I know a LOT of brothas who are single, have great jobs not actively dating Becky (or Maria Conchita and Su Yon - that's a different story, LOL) and are actively seeking black women, etc. For whatever reason, the relationships aren't there. I don't know what it is, but it seems like there's a huge disconnect between black men and women. Maybe we are all too idealistic about our choices in a mate? Dunno<BR/><BR/>If folks want to date interracially, more power to them. I just don't like when people make excuses for doing it. If you are really "feeling" someone and they are a different race, go for it. However, I'm wondering if bro's, in general, place the same stigma on black women when they date interracially, BUT with another minority group. <BR/><BR/>Now on another point and this is going to sound very petty. When it comes to IR relationships, I think the stares come because one of the parties happen to be attractive or something along that line. If a black female looks like a troll and is with a white guy, I don't think brothas would care, LOL. However, if she's pretty of course guys get mad and feel if it wasn't for the "other party" being there, they would have a chance with the woman. I tend to think this works with all racial groups, too. -- Mr. MAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22048164.post-1166209480861081252006-12-15T11:04:00.000-08:002006-12-15T11:04:00.000-08:00Nicole,writing is your gift& your ability to make ...Nicole,<BR/>writing is your gift<BR/>& your ability to make sense of these issues is exceptional..<BR/>Thanks for taking the time to write this,<BR/>you are also hilarious as well,<BR/>much respect!<BR/>MikeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22048164.post-1166208218265896742006-12-15T10:43:00.000-08:002006-12-15T10:43:00.000-08:00I too have dated white, as you know, girl. And I w...I too have dated white, as you know, girl. And I was shocked to realize how much I missed the company of brothers, because the only time I have ever been objectified or marginalized in a relationship was when I dated a white man. What did I learn from that experience? That assholes come in every color. That deep down I will probably end up with a Black man because I like how brothers have always treated me. And, that I won't be afraid to date outside of my race again, in spite of the Jerk, because I know that no one person speaks for their entire race. Unless that person is Maya Angelou.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22048164.post-1166207649493519762006-12-15T10:34:00.000-08:002006-12-15T10:34:00.000-08:00As always, you know i have something to say. i dat...As always, you know i have something to say. i date white because they ask me out. i am tired of being objectified when i walk down the street in my business suit. i am tired of making excuses for why someone i've dated for two years isn't in an exclusive relationship with me. i'm pushing for all my sistas to do it atleast once -- it's nothing like the stereotypes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22048164.post-1166207189018460352006-12-15T10:26:00.000-08:002006-12-15T10:26:00.000-08:00Well on point. I might need to start searching fo...Well on point. I might need to start searching for Biff. I'm really diggin the Searching for Mr. White, t-shirt idea. I say we mass produce those bad boys and rock them like the Black Panthers rocked black leather and Afro's. I'm down. This is a revolution that should be televised! Girl, i feel a poem coming on! LOL! Can you tell me and my man just broke up? :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com